He Was Only 21
by Halsteadpd
Summary: One-shot based on Kevin Atwater's past


**Hey! So this is a type of fic I don't usually write (or ever write). I was talking to someone on Tumblr about this and so it became an idea for a one-shot.**

 **Thank you Snufflesandfluff for the idea!**

 **/**

He was only 21 when it happened.

Kevin Atwater knew since before he graduated high school, that he would be a police officer in the city he loved so much. He wanted a job where he could help people. A job where he knew he would be doing the right thing. He wouldn't let the colour of his skin label him into those stereotypes that he tried so hard to shake off his entire life.

And then that night happened.

He remembers his mother's voice from the morning of his graduation. She had a dress on with gold earrings, a bracelet and a necklace that matched. The small diamonds glistened in the sunlight of his room as he finished up getting dressed.

"Kevin, we're going to be late. Your father already has your brother and sister waiting in the car." Her voice was soft and warm like honey. He can remember all those times she sung him a lullaby after one of his nightmares as she held him close to her chest, where he could listen to the steady beating of her heart.

"Sorry, Mom. I just wanted to double check everything." He placed the police cap on his head and turned around to face her. "Let's get going." He walked towards the threshold of his bedroom, only to feel her gentle grasp on his arm.

"Let me take a look at you." Her soft brown eyes took in her son. He had his Chicago Police dress blues on. Ones he worked so hard to adorn. He spent his time working a full time job and volunteering around the city before he applied with the Chicago Police. His family lineage all consisted of university graduates. Lawyers, accountants, doctors. But the idea of going back to school never appealed to Kevin, and he made that choice very clear with his parents.

The night he had that conversation at the dinner table, his heart wanted to beat out of his chest. He expected his father to give him a stern look, the same ones he got whenever he was in trouble. When a smile became etched on his face, however, all the weight came off Kevin's shoulders. His parents had always created a safe and welcoming environment in their home, and they weren't going to stop now.

He was 16 at the time.

A badge was pinned to his chest when he was 21. He was the first cop in his family and he held his head up high as he marched. He wanted to be a role model. Especially for Jordan and Vanessa. Even though they were over 10 years younger than him, they had an inseparable bond. He remembers the grins on their 8 year old and 5 year old faces as the graduation had finished. He would do anything to keep those smiles on their faces.

But then that night happened.

His parents had been out in downtown that night to help raise money for a fundraiser. Jordan and Vanessa were left at home with the babysitter since Kevin was working the night shift.

He would never forget the call he received from the hospital that night.

His parent's Mercedes had been T-boned on the driver's side by a drunk driver. His father was killed instantly. His mother had been rushed to the hospital for an emergency surgery, inevitably leading her to be placed on a ventilator.

He would never forget that squeezing feeling of panic in his chest as he made his way through the double doors of the hospital.

He first identified his father's body.

He was sitting next to his mother when he was joined by his crying siblings. He remembers holding them tight and wiping their tears, willing for his own to not fall. He couldn't. Not now. Not when they needed him most.

48 hours later he was making a decision he never thought he'd be making.

" _Officer Atwater we would like permission to take your mother off of the ventilator."_

He could feel himself falling apart as he signed the dotted line. Jordan somewhat knew what was happening, but it was the series of questions that Vanessa asked that broke him the most.

" _What are the doctors doing?"_

" _Where's Daddy?"_

" _Why isn't Mommy waking up?"_

He worked with a psychiatrist to help his siblings understand everything. It helped him understand too.

Jonathan and Tracey Atwater were laid to rest, side by side, on October 12, 2008.

He was offered support and prayers from his family and community, but he never asked once for help.

On October 13, 2008, he put his signature on the dotted line that would make him the legal guardian of his siblings. He promised he would take care of them and that everything would be alright. This was the first step towards that direction.

He knew he could've gotten lost in bottles of liquor and pills that would help him forget. He could have grieved like others he had met in his life. The wife he arrested that lost her husband in Iraq because she became a heroin addict after he was laid to rest. The man who lost his brother in a shooting on Chicago's South Side whom Kevin had to call an ambulance for. The man needed to have his stomach pumped and stayed in the hospital for 3 days for alcohol poisoning. The 13 year old girl who called 9-1-1 but didn't say a word into the phone as she slit her wrists in the bathroom. He applied pressure on her lacerations before her body had decided that it had lost too much blood.

No, Kevin Atwater couldn't do that.

So he took it out on his body.

3 hours at the gym everyday. Cardio and weightlifting.

Kevin Atwater thinks about the hole he could've fallen through as he stands next to his siblings, looking down at the two tombstones side by side. His sister cleans off the collection of dust and dirt with her hand, before placing a soft kiss on each of them. He keeps the tears in his eyes when he's around them. He only lets them fall whenever they're tucked into bed, fast asleep. When he's awake into the early hours of the morning, right before the sun rises, because his mind and thoughts wouldn't let him sleep.

He puts his arms on his siblings' shoulders as they each stand on either side of him. He smiles, knowing that his parents are watching down them, on the people they have become. He smiles knowing that he did a good job with them, even though they're not perfect. Because every now and then Jordan will get in trouble with his friends and Vanessa will fail a test at school. But he smiles, because he wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

"You guys hungry?" His voice is the only sound they hear as they make their way back to the car.

"Aren't you tired?" Vanessa asks.

"Nope."

"I could eat." Jordan says.

"Alright then, let's go eat."

/

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